I am the Forgotten Wife

My  first blog post here will not be about anything earth shattering or change the world.  It will not be about how politics in Washington is a joke (regardless of whether you list to port or starboard).  It will not be about how bigotry and hatred seem to be making a comeback around the world, and in the United States in particular.  It will not be about an angry citizen who feels cheated by those that are in power.

This post will be about me.  Just me.  I am the Forgotten Wife.

Oh, my husband did not leave me and the kids behind while he moved on with his life.  At least not physically.  I was never beaten or subjected to any physical abuse during our 16 years of marriage.  I have not been subjected to living in a hell hole or in a place that hobos would call home.

No, this isn’t a sob story about how horrible my life has been.

On the contrary, it’s been pretty good.  My husband is active duty military and he has worked himself up to a fairly high rank.  He took us overseas for four years and we have seen a good bit of the country east of the Mississippi.  For 16 years I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to (although I couldn’t work overseas because of the law).  I was a house wife, by choice.

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a housewife.  I wanted to go to college and become a teacher and make a difference in many children’s lives.  Instead, I put everything on the back burner to be a good little military wife and make sure that the house and the children were taken care of so that my husband could carry out the mission, and his job, and not have to worry about any of that.

And after 16 years of marriage, of putting all of my dreams and hopes in the background of my life for my husband and my children, I was told that my husband wanted a divorce.  He didn’t ask for one.  “Ask” is a euphemism for “being told.”  My husband told me that he “wasn’t happy” and wanted to be “free to live the life” he wanted and deserved.

So this blog, while I’m sure will include some politics, will mostly be about my trying to find my way as a single, non-married, adult.  My trials, my fears, my worries.  I know that some of it will sound trite.  Some of it will sound ridiculous.  I know, for a fact, that when I do venture into politics I will tick many of you off (for future reference, I list to port).

This blog will be my way of communicating to the world, and reminding myself, that although the times may be hard and I may be pushed past the breaking point I am, at my core, the strongest kind of woman in the world.  I am a (soon-to-be-ex) military wife.  I can handle anything that comes my way.

Even being forgotten.

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4 thoughts on “I am the Forgotten Wife

  1. When I confronted my husband about a message I had found on his pager, he calmly said the same words to me. “I am not happy. I don’t know if I want to be married. ” He assured me it had nothing to do with his 32 year old white trash friend. Hmm huh. My first thought was ” I put up with your drunk ass for 30 years and you don’t know if you want to be married to me?” Luckily I did not say that out loud. I have since learned to keep my inner monologue from spilling out when I am angry. We went to counseling for 3 years-his suggestion. But he had already checked out emotionally from the marriage. I finally left a little over a year ago. I then returned to the house and he left- guess what-I’m not budging. I considered going somewhere else and starting fresh, maybe it would be less painful than staying here with all the memories but I have invested some time and money and – you want a different life-go find yourself one.
    Good luck with your life. Glad to see you realize your strength. Please keep sharing it with the rest of us.

  2. I am someone who found your blog a couple of weeks ago having just read your anniversary post I thought I would skim back to the start and am glad I did, There will always be those men who sneak of for a cheap burger despite having sirloin steak at home the only comfort it that it that they will get choked up with cholestrol and not have a long happy life. You have had an incredible journey a true testament to your strength and courage.

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