The Bitter B*tch

There is a portion of me that, because of this pending divorce, I call the Bitter B*tch.  She has no desire to be nice to the soon-to-be-ex-husband.  She wants to yell and scream at the top of her lungs and tell him what she really thinks.  She wants to be totally selfish and not worry about anyone or anything other than herself.  I have kept her in check for the last few weeks, but today I think I’ll let her have the floor.

So, without further ado, I introduce all of you to the Bitter B*tch.

Yeah, I’m bitter.  And I’m a b*tch.  Do y’all have something to say about that?  Too bad!  I don’t particularly care about what you think about what I have to say.

Sixteen years I gave to that man.  Sixteen freaking years.  Helped him to get promoted to where he is now.  Took care of his house and kids while he tripped around the world for “the mission.”  Saw my parents only 3 times in those 16 years and haven’t been back to their house since 1993.  “We can’t afford it,” he says. “We’re broke,” he says.  Sure, we’re broke cause we’re military, but he can certainly find ways to afford his stupid little video games and gaming systems.  My children have never even been to my parents house.  Oh, but we have to move 2 hours from his parents so that he can be close to home.  What about my home?  What about my parents?

Put all my dreams on hold, have  no career, no resume, because of his job and “the mission.”  Gotta support the military way of life.  Just sit down, shut up and do what you’re told so that you don’t make waves for him and his career.  And then he’s gonna go and leave me high and dry?  What the hell is that all about?

All because he’s not happy?  NOT HAPPY?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Oh, and he wanted sex more often than I wanted to give it

This is what I imagine the Bitter B*tch looks like.

up.  Well, let me tell you buster….if the sex was better, I’d give it up more often.  And, honestly, what housewife has the energy to give it up four freaking days a week?  Especially when the kids are younger???  Who is in the right frame of mind for that?

Then, he tells me he wants a divorce and all of the sudden he’s happy house husband?  Cooking and cleaning?  I’ve been asking him for 16 damn years to help out around the house and he hasn’t done it.  What the hell is that all about?

The Forgotten Wife (I call her TFW – understandable, right, cause her name is so damn long!) here keeps me pretty well boxed up because she is trying to be all nicey-nice with the asshat so that the divorce isn’t acrimonious and harms the kids.  Well, I say that kids are resilient and they’ll figure it out as they go.  But she tells me to get back in my box (ok, it’s a nice mental mansion, but you know what I mean) and shut the hell up.  But I’m always here.  In the back of her mind.  Yeah, I can even produce that bile that she has to swallow every so often.  Wonder how she likes that?

And don’t even get me started on that little chippie he has on the side.  Oh, she has nothing to do with me wanting a divorce, he says.  Bullshit, I say.  He hooks up with her on FB, just old college friends catching up, and then all of the sudden he’s getting drunk at softball games and driving home (effectively putting his career in danger).  I know exactly what happened – he started talking to her and playing “what if” – what if they had stayed together, what if they had gotten married.  Oh, look, isn’t she nice and sexy and…..well, f*ck him, I say.  Want to play “what if?”  How about this “what if” for you:  what if I hire a private investigator to catch the two of you in the act?  Then where will your precious career be?  Or, even better, what if I Lorena Bobbit your stupid ass?  Bet you won’t want sex all that often anymore!

I think I have every right to be a little bitter about this entire situation.  He used me like a damn nag and then put me up wet.  What the hell is that all about?  Get a couple of kids out of me, have me raise them to an age where they can kinda take care of themselves, giving us a little more freedom, and then kick me out the door?  And what the hell is with him constantly touching me?  Little rubs here and there.  Never before in our marriage did he do that.  What is up with that?  Like I want to be touched by his stupid ass?  Yeah, I don’t like him.  I think he’s done us wrong.  Won’t even let me finish up my master’s degree so that I can go out and teach.  I’ve been sucking up my issues for the last 11 or so years and he can’t suck them up for two more?  Dick.

Alright, that’s enough of her.  I can only handle so much of her vitriol before I have to put her away.  Sorry if any of you were offended.  She’s that little devil that sits like a monkey on my back on my shoulder and tells it like it is.  She won’t make an appearance very often, but when she does,  you can be sure that she will tell it like she sees it.

I don’t like the Bitter B*tch, but I sure need her.  One day, I won’t need her as much, but for now – she’s here to stay.

Because, who wouldn’t be bitter about being forgotten?

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4 thoughts on “The Bitter B*tch

  1. Truth isn’t always pleasant. But it’s truth none the less. And reality is that nobody could be pleasant about what’s happening. I commend you for shielding the kids from what’s possible but also encourage you to let this lady out when you have to. Because, at this point it’s just about making it through another day in this crap. And well….sometimes survival ain’t pretty either…..

  2. I say, “bless the b*tch!”. You need to let her loose from time to time or you won’t be able to keep her in check when it is absolutely necessary. I truly believe that success really is the best revenge. So, it is not enough to survive. You have to thrive. As for the d*ck, F*ck him! (not literally). (((HUGS)))

  3. For what it’s worth, I have literally spent years and LOTS of therapy in empowering myself to be…pretty much like the brassy “B” you describe here. It’s all good – your core motivation is all about taking care of yourself – and your kids – however you need to right now. My experience has taught me to embrace my bitchy, self preserving alter-ego….and she is VERY reluctant to come forward most of the time. So “you go gurrlll” as my kids tell me! React with the, “OH
    SNAP! No he dihh-dunnnt” my girls are so confident (and successful) with when facing adversity. He may have started this new “mission” for himself – but nothing is keeping you from deploying your OWN mission here. Let him be daddy daycare without a clue – while getting your own arsenal ready for the “happiness YOU want and deserve!”. The kids will be fine – and they will not be fooled by attempts at hiding the real deal here….kids are much smarter and stronger than we give them credit for. They will be okay as long as they know you love them and have them a top priority. Besides – whenever my teenager bitches that I’m ruining his life with some lame complaint – I respond with, “Just let me know when you wanna cash in those therapy coupons I got ready for you years ago! As my Child, its safe to assume you will need them!”.

  4. Tell me it gets better tfg, please, because, tonight, I’m at the end of my rope and I don’t see any way forward.

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