Doofus and other pet names

Hello all!  I’m so happy today because I finally have a laptop again!

Watch out WordPress!  I’m baaaacccckkkk!!!!

Do you have any pet names for your family that you use?  You know, the ones that seem like they should offend but are said with love and caring?  For example, my father used to call me “Grace.”  Not because I was an especially blessed child. It was because I couldn’t walk across a perfectly flat floor without tripping.  I call my dog “Doofy.”  Why?  Cause she’s dumb as a box of rocks.

These are nicknames that are not especially rude or meant to harm.  They are names of endearment for those around us.

Well, of course, this wasn’t the case when I called my husband a “doofus” on Facebook.  No, I meant it in the meanest way possible.  But it was only mildly mean.  I could have called him so many other words: bastard, asswipe, asshat, son of a bitch, jerkoff, dick, etc., etc.  You get the picture.

I chose a mildly rude word.  Doofus.  It puts you in mind of a young man with big ears, buck teeth, a crappy hairdo and a way about him that shows that he does not understand social niceties, right?  Nothing very rude about this.

Well, one of my “friends” on Facebook felt that this was something very rude to call him (without knowing the situation in which it was used) and called my husband to tell him that I had called him a doofus for all of Facebook to see.  My idiot husband got in my face about it.

I asked him why he was getting his panties in such a twist.  “If you could live a day in my head,” I said, “you would completely understand that ‘doofus’ is one of the nicer things I have called you.”

I went on, “I haven’t posted on FB anything about your mistress, your visit to her in  September, you plans with her on New Year’s, how you talk to her for 2 hours a day, at least, or that you dumped me for her.  I haven’t said a word about any of that.  So, back up outta my face before I decide that that is what I need to do.”

I haven’t heard another word about it from him.

Just because he wants me to go quietly into the night doesn’t mean that I will.  And what he needs to be wondering about is not what names I’m calling him on Facebook.  He needs to be wondering about what names I’m calling him to his Commander and my lawyer.

Those are points that he really, really needs to ponder and should keep him awake at night.

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One thought on “Doofus and other pet names

  1. Facebook tattletales are the worst! Just because “friends” have a window into your world, doesn’t give them any idea of what is REALLY going on!! I call my soon-to-be-ex-husband the “FEX”; use your imagination what the F stands for…officially, it’s future or finally, but that isn’t the WHOLE story. Of course, I understand that he refers to me as BeautifulIntelligenTalentedCreativeHonest.

    On another note, my daddy called me “Bethiebohunkieboo” until the day he died. My own children are “numberone”, “mi’ija”, “boychildofmine”, “megameggiegurl”, “kissieface”, “yo-yo”, and the “treymonster”. Yes, there are a lot of them; and yes, my names annoy them! But they are loving, family names given to honor the personalities they have grown into long after their original names took hold – and that makes them all as special as each of my seven dwarves themselves.

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