A new year

Welcome to 2012.  A new year. And if you buy into that prophecy/Mayan/Armageddon stuff, then you don’t have to worry a little hair on your head about buying Christmas gifts.  That’s something to look forward to, right?

I could talk about the divorce and how pissed off I am that my douche of a husband is currently out partying with his girlfriend.

But, I’m not going to.

I was thinking tonight about what I want from the future. Right now, I have a very uncertain future, but I do have one.  And, I asked myself, if I could only have one resolution for the new year, what would it be?

Would I be in better shape?  Would I get off my lazy ass and go to the gym?  Would I try to be nicer/prettier/more fashionable/more giving, etc.?

No, these are all great things, but I think I got it boiled down to the nut of the issue.  It didn’t hit me like a lightening bolt (thank goodness, cause I was in the shower at the time).  It just came to me as I was thinking about what new tattoo I wanted.

Here’s what I want from the future and, because it’s two for one day, what I want for my next tattoo:

Be true to me.

What a simple thought, right?  A simple understanding.  A simple thing to think.

But so hard to do.

I read an article the other day about why so many marriages fail.  In the comments on Yahoo, there was actually a smart comment (if you read the comment boards on Yahoo, you will understand why I was so surprised).

This person said that marriages fail because most people are looking for someone to complete them.

I’ve given that a lot of thought since I read the article.  And here’s my conclusion, as applies to myself:

I AM complete.  I don’t need anyone to complete me.  Jerry Maguire so screwed up that whole line of thought.  No one should ever need anyone to complete them.  We are complete just the way we are.  The pieces may be broken, and there may be little holes here and there, but that’s the natural wear and tear of life.  We may be shattered.  We may need someone to help us pick up the pieces, but we are still complete.

I don’t want someone to complete me.  I want someone to compliment me.  Like a fine red wine when you are eating a terrific cut of steak.  Neither the steak nor the wine complete each other.  You can drink or eat either one alone and still enjoy them.  But they compliment each other.  They bring out the best in each other.

That’s what I want.  I want someone to help me be a better me.  It doesn’t mean that I need completing, I just need someone to bring out those finer notes in my personality.  I need them to compliment my flavor.

My first step to being someone that can compliment someone, like I want them to compliment me, is to understand that I am very good just the way that I am.  I am smart and strong.  I am intelligent and capable.  I don’t need a man to do anything for me.  Not pay my way, not change my tire, and certainly not to tell me what to do or when to do it.

I am perfectly capable of doing all of those things by myself.

For 16 years, I subjugated my wishes and opinions and desires to man.  I wasn’t true to myself.  I let a man dictate my every move and every decision I made.

That was mostly, if not completely, my fault.

Rest assured, that will not happen again.

I am complete.  I am whole.  I am fine just the way I am.

Now I just need to find the perfect wine to compliment my flavor.  Not overpower it, just compliment it.

To find it, I’ll have to be true to me.

Simple words.  But powerful.  And oh, so true.

It is my wish that 2012 is wonderful to all of you that read my blog.  If I don’t know you yet, I hope that 2012 brings us closer together and that I do get to know you.  If I already know you, then thank you so much for all of your support and kind words of the past 6 months.  I cannot tell you how much your friendship and support have meant to me as I have gone through this horribly dark time in my life.

For all of you, remember to be true to yourself.

Because I love you just the way you are!

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