So, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,right?

Life pretty much sucks right now.  I’ll be honest, another hit like the ones I’ve taken this week will not be welcome in the least.

My landlord still hasn’t put in my laundry hookups.  I’m gonna have to ask him about it.  I’ve put it off because I’m also going to have to ask him for a favor.  I’m gonna have to ask him if I can be late with my first month’s rent.

Yeah, that’s the way my week has been going.

Why will I have to ask him if I can be late?  Because it’s going to take 6-8 weeks for the court to process my court order and start pulling money from the asshole’s paycheck to pay me.  Added to that, the first payment I’ll get will only be half of the rent plus $38.

That’s not a lot of money.

I called my lawyer and chewed him out.  He knew how long it would take the court to get their act together.  This isn’t his first divorce case.  He did not ask the judge to compel the asshole to pay me directly until the court got their shit together.

I told him to get it done or I’d be coming to him to get the money I would need to pay my rent, electric, water, gas and cable bills.  Oh, and grocery and gas money.

He said that he had sent a letter to the asshole’s lawyer to ask him to have the asshole pay me directly.

Like the jerk will do anything without a court order.

Oh, and the money that he owes me for the moving expenses?  Yeah, the asshole’s lawyer asked for a copy of a “non-redacted lease agreement.”  Um, that’s how the lease agreement was given to me.  Stop stalling and pay me the money.

There’s a couple of things here that the asshole fails to understand.  He’s so hyped on not paying me that he’s willing to deprive his children of a roof over their head and water flowing from the faucets.  If he doesn’t pay me directly, they will take all of the money that he owes in one lump sum.

Wouldn’t that screw his budget all to hell?

Added to the stress of not being able to make my first bills, the youngest son is behaving in a manner that is completely indescribable.  Again, this morning, I had to physically dress him.  It was not fun for either of us.

I gotta admit, I’m just freaking tired.

And I’m totally pissed.

The asshole gets to go off and live his footloose and fancy free life because he is immature and selfish.  And here I sit worrying about the kids and what kind of damage that has been done to them.  I worry about how they are accepting what’s going on, the fact that they were lied to about the girlfriend/nurse, about feeding them and making them behave in a way that is not only socially acceptable but won’t give me more gray hairs than normal.

Oh, and he isn’t paying the money that he’s supposed to.

Yeah, I’m totally peeved.

When I called my mom tonight and explained what was going on with the money issue, they offered to send me yet more money.  I love my parents and I love that they are so willing to help me.  I can’t be more indebted to them for the emotional support that they have given me, along with the monetary support.

But it bruises the pride.

I’ll be 39 in a little over a month and I’m having to ask my parents for money to survive.

That hurts.

It totally sucks.

I’ll admit that some of that is my fault.  I was a stay-at-home mom and perfectly happy to do that.  I loved being at home with my kids.  I loved being able to volunteer with the school and be there to read books to their classes.  I need to be a stay-at-home mom in Mississippi because of all the issues that we had with the oldest and then I was lucky enough to land a job that gave me the flexibility to take off when I needed to.

You’re not going to find many jobs like that out there.

I worked the first year we were here, when the asshole was in Korea.  It was a crappy job and I was totally unhappy in it.  My boss was a douche and it was horrible.  I worked at Michael’s for a bit, but the asshole told me to quite because it was costing me more money to work than I was bringing in and he didn’t want to have to pitch in money for daycare and gas.

I understood, so I went back to school.  And I finished.

In one of the worst recessions in the history of the United States.

So finding a job has been hard.  Subbing is terrific, and I love it, but I’ve worked exactly 1.5 days.  That’s $120 on my first paycheck.

Yeah, that’s not going to cover a damn thing.  Except maybe gas for the car.

My parents have bailed me out, yet again.  And I love them for it.  But the debt weighs heavily on me.  I’ll pay it all back.  It may take me the rest of my freaking life, but I’ll pay it back.

I had to pause a moment in writing this because I had to go and lecture my youngest about his horrible behavior.  Yes, I just laid a heavy guilt trip on a 12-year-old.  But he needs something.  A swift kick to the butt or something.  I just can’t handle the stress that he is giving me on top of everything else that is going on.

He seems to have gone to bed quietly.  We’ll see how long that lasts.

I’m going to bed now.  Tomorrow will be a better day, I know.  But I just had to get some of this off of my chest.  I mean, I got a breast reduction cause I didn’t want all that extra weight in my bra!

Sweet dreams, everyone 🙂

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4 thoughts on “So, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,right?

  1. At one point, I literally smacked my 11 year-old across the face because of his behavior. It was during the beginning of our physical separation when his dad and I decided to split. It was horrible-his behavior, not mine. I understood perfectly that he was lashing out due to his emotional stress, but under no circumstances would I allow the behavior and talk that came from him. He was shocked that I did it, but he has never forgotten it, and has never repeated the behavior. I learned through my divorce, among many other things, that being a good parent is a very hard job. Probably the hardest job ever. But to look at the well-adjusted young man I now have as a son, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Your son(s) may not realize it just yet, but their behavior is directly related to what’s going on. As long as you are consistent, you, and they will be just fine. Hang in there, you’ll survive. But, just and FYI, the tired never goes away…at least mine hasn’t! Maybe when they’re adults??

  2. I’m sorry for you, truly, because you’re right it sucks, but it’s all normal. From your ex’s actions to your son acting out. It’s exhausting and terrible and not fair, but it is what it is and you will survive it, as will your boys. You are an amazing, strong woman and an exceptional mother. It will get better, but I’m afraid you’re going to exhausted for awhile . . . Think of it as your new normal.

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