You know, I’ve never been a fan of this day. It hasn’t really ever rated highly on my list of holidays.
Especially this year.
I’m actually kind of at war with how to deal with today. Should I be bitter because the asshole has someone to shower with gifts (with money he should be paying me for support of the kids) or should I be thrilled that I don’t have to spend one more freaking Valentine’s Day with the asshole?
One part of me is sad because I have no one to shower me with gifts and love and companionship. The other part of me, that Bitter Bitch part, comes back with snarky comments like, “Why would you want a man to mess up your life and home? You can buy yourself gifts. You don’t need a guy to do it for you!”
And she’s right. She really is. So, what am I going to do this Valentine’s Day?
Honestly, I’m going to clean the blinds in my house. I’m going to clean the grout in my kitchen. I’m going to have a clean house when I go to bed tonight.
I’m going to make dinner for my children and shower them with love. I’m going to hug my puppy and wish all of my friends a Happy Valentine’s Day.
What I’m not going to do is wallow in the fact that I’m spending it alone. I’m not Jerry Maguire. I’m not afraid to be alone.
But I do miss having someone to share things with. Not just the burdens and the issues, but the happiness and the funny things that I might read or hear through the day.
Recently, Washington State (my adopted home state) passed a bill approving marriage for all. Representative Maureen Walsh stood up in the House and spoke about this bill. She talked about how she was widowed 6 years ago and how she missed the bond that she had with her husband and that she didn’t want to deny anyone, especially her daughter, the right to share that kind of bond in marriage. (You can watch the video here – it’s worth the 4 minutes)
I understand what she’s saying. Because I miss that kind of bond. I mean, I haven’t had it for nigh on 10 years, even though I was married, but I miss that feeling like you are truly connected to someone and that there is someone that you can share all of your thoughts with and you can trust implicitly.
I miss it. But I don’t need it.
If I find it again, great. If not, well, you don’t dwell on what you don’t have. And I, unlike some folks I could name *cough-asshole-cough* am not going to jump into a relationship just because I want that feeling.
I’m too freaking smart for that kind of mistake, unlike others I could name 🙂
When I went out this morning to start the car to warm it up for the daily trek to the kids’ schools, I found this under my windshield wiper:
I’m pretty sure my landlord left it for me. At least, I hope so, otherwise it’s a little freaky! Al is a dang good guy and I look forward to seeing him today because he’s going to start the work on my washer and dryer hookups! Woohoo!
I hope you all have a great Valentine’s Day and that someone cares enough to leave you a cheesy trinket that lets you know that they’re thinking about you.
And know that I’m thinking about you, too!