So, my oldest son has been seeing a therapist for the last 3 years. He is autistic and I felt that this would be a good avenue for him to take and talk about his frustrations/issues. Puberty is a hard time. Mix in the autism and it’s really hard.
Mix in a divorce, and you have his own personal hell.
And I sympathize. I understand that this is super hard for him. He could completely hide from the divorce while we were all living in the same house. Then the weekend that I moved out, he had to move into a hotel with his father and his father’s girlfriend and he couldn’t hide anymore.
I think it was quite a shock for him.
And I totally understand that. But today, at the therapy session, I just wanted to yell at him.
I deserve a life! I deserve to be happy! I deserve to not feel guilty because my son doesn’t want me to have a life!
I waited a damn long time to be happy and I’m going to be. I am going to make sure of it.
I understand that he’s hurting and I don’t want him to. I want him to be happy.
But he has to come to grips with the fact that I’m going to date. I’m going to go out. I’m going to have a good time and I’m going to live my life and be happy.
And he has to come to grips with the facts that his father and I are never, ever getting back together.
Hence, the therapy sessions.
I was so angry with him for basically telling me that I couldn’t have a life. Who the hell does he think he is?????
I refuse to allow my children to dictate to me how I’m going to live my life. I have sacrificed so much for them, happily so, and I continue to sacrifice. But I WILL NOT allow them to lecture me about my dating (which I don’t really do), my drinking (which I do even less than my dating), or any other bad habits I have. I WILL NOT allow them to make me feel at all guilty about living an adult life.
I WILL continue to give them support, guidance and unconditional love. I WILL continue to behave like a responsible adult and parent. I WILL continue to sacrifice to make their lives better. I WILL, most definitely, make time for myself and enjoy said time.
But know this. My children will not control my social life, any more than their schedule already does. I will be an adult and engage in adult activities and I will enjoy them.
Guess the boys will just have to come to grips with these realizations, too.