Wow, don’t pass out – three posts in one day! I saved up my Friday and Saturday posts for today 🙂
I’m having a moment.
I need to remember that I don’t have to be strong all the time. I need to remember that, sometimes, it’s alright to have a moment where I need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on.
I need to remember that it’s alright to show weakness.
I spent 16 years being the strong one. I wasn’t allowed to show weakness for fear of it being used against me. Or thrown in my face at a future date.
So I got used to hiding all of those fragile feelings, those moments when I wanted nothing more than a cuddle and a pat on the back telling me that it was alright.
Moments like now.
But I didn’t have that with him. I never did. I never felt like I could have that breakdown moment, that moment of neediness with him. He was never supportive and never understanding enough.
But, he’s not here now.
I can allow myself to say, “I need a hug.” Or, I can recognize that I don’t feel strong right at this moment. I can be honest enough with myself that I just don’t want to fake it, right at this moment.
While feeling like this sucks, it feels good to be able to admit it.
I want to shout it from the rooftops:
I’M NOT AS STRONG AS YOU THINK I AM!
I have fears, I have doubts, I have worries. Sometimes, they all pile up on me at the same time and I can’t hold back the fears and doubts and worries.
But that’s alright. I’m human, I’m not some Superwoman who can do anything without problems. I can’t juggle all the issues in my life without help.
And I have help. I truly do. I have friends that will help me if I need it.
I just have to remember to ask.
Sometimes, admitting weakness and asking for help are two of the hardest things we could ever do. Sometimes, they’re nigh on impossible to do.
But I’m getting better about admitting and asking.
Right now, I’m admitting that I’m weak. But I know I’ll be stronger tomorrow. I won’t be so fragile.
Honestly, what else CAN I be?