That question was settled and more from my weekend

When I left y’all, I was worried that the gentleman I was going to go see would want more from me than I was willing, or able, to give him.  We talked, at length, and we’re both good with what we have right now.  I’m glad.  He’s a great guy and I never fail to have a good time when I’m with him.  I’m glad we got that settled 🙂

But there was more that I learned this weekend.  I know you are all on the edge of your seat wanting to know what great lesson I learned.  Well, let me share:

Women are crazy.

Yes, I am a woman.  No, I’m  not crazy.  Well, not certifiably, anyway.  Let me explain.

We met up with his cousin on our last night in the City and went to a bar in Long Beach.  His cousin knows the bartender there and he said that we could get free drinks for the night there.  It was a nice little bar and the bartended seemed sweet enough.

Until she went nuts.

See, they had broken up in April (yes, he dated her – always a bad sign….knew my free drinks were out the window for the night).  They had a bad breakup with her hurling at him, as a parting line, “Well, you don’t think you’re the only man I’m screwing, do you?”

Now, forgive me if this seems naive, but to me that means that they are not mutually exclusive and if he wants to go out with other women, he can.  But, it seems that, in her mind, I was mistaken.

She busted his chops for about 30 minutes, making it uncomfortable for everyone there.  Except for her friends that were egging her on.  We left and she spent the night texting him and apologizing for her behavior.

I don’t understand numerous things about this whole situation, including how it can be socially acceptable to behave in such a manner, man or woman.  But what I really came to understand was this:

Women are their own worst enemies.

Yes, we are.  Many women out there think that a one-night stand is a committed relationship.  No, it’s not.   Many women out there think that by making a man jealous by throwing in their face the fact that they are having sex with other men will make that man think twice about leaving her.  No, it won’t.  Many women think that by treating their man like crap in public will make their man realize that he has a strong woman on his hands and he’ll want to stay with her.  No, he won’t.

Women have forgotten the cardinal rule of any relationship:  treat people as you wish to be treated.

Oh, and they have forgotten how to value themselves.

See, women need to understand that they are worth everything that they deserve.  Every person is.  Every single person, man or woman, deserves to be treated well by their significant other.  If you have to make a man jealous or what not to keep him, then he isn’t worth keeping.  That’s absolute truth.

Women have forgotten how to love themselves.  They think that there are no good men left.  They’re out there.  I’ve met them.  I promise that they are out there.  But when you treat a man badly, throw your sexual conquests in his face, embarass him in public, you aren’t going to see his best side.  And that’s works the other way, too.  Men claim that all they meet are women that are easy or that don’t want a lasting relationship.  But if you don’t treat them well, then you won’t see a woman’s good side, either.

It seems that we have forgotten how to treat each other.

But, more than that, we have forgotten how to love ourselves.

I think that many people have forgotten how to be with themselves.  We are so focused on finding “the one,” that we forget that we have to be healthy, happy and content with ourselves before we can be ready for a meaningful relationship.  Yes, that sounds like a lot of new age crapola, but it’s true.

Have you seen “The Runaway Bride?”  At one point, Richard Gere’s character points out to Julia Roberts’ character that in every interview she’s done, her favorite way to have eggs has changed to match that of her current fiance’s choice.  At the end of the movie, Julia Roberts makes a bunch of different eggs to decide which one she truly likes best.

Her character understood a truth:  you have to know yourself and be happy with who you are before you can have any kind of meaningful relationship.

This is why I know the asshole (soon-to-be-ex) will not be happy with whoever he is with.  Because he’s not happy with himself.

This is also why I know that, when I finally do decide to be with someone in an exclusive relationship, I’ll be happy with that relationship.  Because I’m happy with who I am.  I know who I am.  I know what I want.  It took me awhile to get here, but now that I’m here, I’ll be happy no matter what.

Because I’m worth that.  And so is everyone else.


13 thoughts on “That question was settled and more from my weekend

  1. A beautifully written post and one I agree with completely. I’ve been there, done that, from the other side of the aisle. Unhappy with my self and falling in and out of relationships haphazardly until getting healthy and meeting a fantastic woman. And getting married. Now, enough about me. One thing you wrote is bothersome and that is that you still have enough anger left to call the ex an asshole. Let it go. It’s toxic and not hurting him any. Only you. Whatever he did you can never forget- and maybe you can never forgive. But you have to move on, put it behind you, and start your new life. That concludes this Tuesday morning New Age sermon! Good luck.

    • I’m working on letting it go, but until I’m done with this court crap, and he keeps trying to screw me out of money, he’ll be an asshole. I’m almost there, but I’m still working on it. It’s only been a little over a year since he asked for the divorce and our divorce isn’t even final. Until it is, I reserve the right to call him asshole. Just needs a little more time. But I’m getting there, slowly but surely.

      • Not knowing anything about you or what you’ve been through, are going through, I can only judge by what I read here. And from just a month ago to today, it sounds like you’re well on your way.

  2. I agree! Women don’t value themselves and settle for so little. Even if the guy is good on paper, who wants to feel bad in a relationship? And I like being single because I keep it fun. I wish more of my friends could see it that way!

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