I’m very excited this week as my friend from Tennessee, her mother and her daughter have come for a visit. They are my first, official, overnight visitors to my new house. And with the kids out of town for the summer, I actually have somewhere for them to sleep.
As a bonus, it got me to really clean my house and finally get all of the clutter out of the boys’ room so that they could move in there.
See? Company can be a terrific influence!
On the downside, she’s here visiting because her divorce is happening this week. It’s time for the pre-trial hearing and the actual court date this week.
Actually, now that I think about it, it’s not a downside. She, like myself, is much happier without her soon-to-be-ex-husband. She’s finally happy and free of the oppressive weight of his personality (mercurial would be an understatement) and the abuse that he subjected her, and their daughter, to.
Yes, it’s as bad as you imagine with that last sentence.
Her being here, and the rapidly approaching one year anniversary of my divorce, got me to thinking about this last year. It’s been a wild ride, that’s for sure. Money issues when I first left him that I’m still recovering from (but it’s getting much, much better), two moves (the last one into a house that will be mine, all mine, next year), laid off from two jobs, landing a terrific intern position (that allows me to work from home) that will hopefully become a full time position (that will allow me to work from home) – these are all the big things that happened. These are the ups and downs of life that anyone at all will experience.
But then there were the small victories that would have never happened had I still been with him. I renewed a friendship from high school. This would seem innocuous enough, except that said friendship is with a guy and would never have been allowed to happen if I were still married to the douchebag. And my life would have been vastly poorer had I not been allowed to have Jazzman back in my life (yes, he chose the name. It fits – he played sax in the band in high school). What is amazing is that Jazzman lives in Pennsylvania and I in New Jersey and we graduated high school from a little town in California. The school was so small, we finally topped out at 450 students my senior year (he was a two years ahead of me in school). 22 years and 3,000 miles later, I get to be friends with a man that lived across the street from me when I was growing up. I cherish the friendship and I won’t ever let him out of my life again.
Another small victory? My house isn’t always spotless and I don’t freak out at 4:30 every day because it’s not. The douche would ride me, hard, about the house (I’m not the world’s best housekeeper, to say the least) and 4:30 every day I would panic and tense up because he would always have something bad to say about it. Just as an aside, he never helped to clean up the house, nor keep it picked up. He just expected me to do it. It took me until I got my first job on March 9 of last year to stop tensing up at 4:30 about it. I finally came to the realization that this is MY house and if you don’t like how I keep it, then keep out. It’s really just that simple.
After some small missteps, I finally figured out how to budget. Now, this may seem like a no-brainer for a lot of you folks, but I never handled the finances when we were married. So every financial step in the right direction is a victory for me. I feel so adult when I pay my bills or handle a time sensitive issue (like renewing my car registration ). I’m finally getting a handle on all of those things that I allowed him to take responsibility for in the marriage and I’m doing just fine.
And that’s the bottom line, right? I’m doing just fine. No, better than fine. I’m doing fantastic. I have a built a life for myself after marriage and it’s a good life. A life that I am very content with. Not that I don’t have dreams and goals (I start my Master’s program in September) and plans (there are extensive renovation ideas in my head for my house) for my life.
But, I wake up every morning happy. Every morning.
And that’s the best bit of revenge and/or karma, ever.