From one strong woman to another

Dear J,

I know that life is hurting right now. Every waking breath you take hurts. You hurt for what you have lost, for what you will never have. For the dreams that you held and then watched slip away from you because of someone else’s decision.

You feel out of control, like you can’t put the pieces back together. That maybe you were meant to be stuck where you are right now, because that’s where he put you with his choice.

That you can’t go back and you aren’t strong enough to move forward.

But you are and you will.

He left, true. But he left because of a deficit in him. Whether it was a restless soul, a lack of being able to commit, a want for something that he didn’t think that he had where he was.

But, the bottom line here is that he left because of a fault of his. Because he couldn’t hack it where he was and he decided to leave.

I know that you loved him and that your future seems so dull without him. I know that it hurts you when you wake up in that bed and realize that he is not lying there beside you. I know that it feels weird to do things around your house with no expectations thrust upon you by another person.

All of those things make you feel lost. All of those things, maybe, make you feel weak because you wonder what he would think about the new curtains that you hung, or the dust catcher that you bought.

I understand. I understand all of what you are feeling and what you are going through. I know how hard it is to stand on your own without that idea, that feeling, of someone being there at your back. I get it. It makes you think that you aren’t strong enough to stand on your own.

But you are.

You are strong enough. You can stand on your own.

Look at you! You’re already doing it. You’re doing it and didn’t even realize that you are.

He left and you didn’t fall down in a ball on the ground and die. You lived! You chose to live without him. You chose to have a life that didn’t include him. You are strong.

You are strong enough to get up every day. You are strong enough to do the things that need to be done: go to work, shop for groceries, do the laundry, take a shower, shave your legs (never underestimate the power of a smoothly shaven leg. They do wonders!).

You are strong enough that you make plans with your friends for the future. You are strong enough that you plan a menu for the month, to start shopping for Christmas gifts in June, what you want to do for your summer vacation.

You are strong enough that you are looking to YOUR future. Where you want to go, what road you want to take, things that you want to experience.

And here’s the cool thing about that: THE SKY’S THE LIMIT! You don’t have to wait for anyone or anything to do these things with you. You can do them on your own.

You can take those cooking classes you’ve always wanted to take, the dance classes you thought would be cool, the water aerobics class that you’ve been eyeing for months.

You can do all of these things. Why?

Because you are strong.

Strength is not about being bold and flashy. That kind of strength is fleeting, forgotten as quickly as it came.

Your kind of strength is the strength that moves mountains. It is quiet, fluid. Like water, it may not work quickly, but it is powerful, carving valleys out of solid rock. Your strength is the kind of strength that everyone wishes they had because it will carry you through all of your days. It will flag, sometimes, this is true. But it will come back, stronger than ever.

Nothing can hold you back. You are a force to be reckoned with.

Keep getting up, going to work, doing laundry, shaving your legs. Keep doing these small things. They are the foundation upon which your strength will stand and assert itself. Sometimes when you least expect it to.

That quiet strength will take you through the rest of your life, with no room to look backwards because your future is taking all of your energy and concentration.

You are strong. You inspire me, and everyone around you, with your strength.

Don’t ever doubt it.

Sincerely,

Miss Independent (formerly The Forgotten Wife)

PS: Demi Lovato has a great song called “Skyscraper” that I think pretty much sums it up. And with a much prettier singing voice than I could ever have. I’ve included it here for you. I hope you like it and that it helps strengthen your resolve. Listen to the words. You are a skyscraper. Don’t forget it!

“They” said WHAT?

Coming back to work sucks after a vacation!

Just to reinforce the fact that it is a Monday morning, I got called into my boss’s office.

Whenever I get called into the boss’s office and she asks me to take a seat and close the door, you know it’s not going to be good.

This was no exception.

Someone has been spreading rumors.  Someone has been saying that I am screwing some of the soldiers I work with. Someone who doesn’t even work in the same building with me.

Not screwing one, not screwing two, but screwing “some.”

No specifics were given.  No proof was offered.  No names were named.

Except mine.

Now, I’m alright with a little gossip.  I’m new, I’m an unknown, I’m single and I (in my opinion) look alright.  I’m a little flirty, I’m definitely friendly and I have a way with people.  Oh, and the guys talk about my tits.  Yeah, that’s always a nice little piece of information to have….

But what the hell is wrong with people that they have to level an accusation like that? 

There are several reasons that I have a problem with this.  Let me ennumerate them for you:

1) My husband left me for an adulterous bitch.  Why would I do that to anyone else?  None of the soldiers I work with are single.

2) You have no proof.  Unless you have pictures of the proof in my “quivering mound of love pudding,” shut the hell up!

3) Who I screw is none of your business.

4) This accusation could cost me my job.

Yes, that last one is definitely the most serious of the bunch.  “Fraternization” with the soldiers could cost me my job.

Oh, and now I’m the talk of the office, and not in a good way.  In fact, one of my coworkers walked in and had a little discussion with my office mate about me in hushed tones.  How do I know it was about me?  Well, the words, “slut,” “fucking,” and my name all were a little loud.

Plus, I have good enough hearing that, as my mother always said, I can hear a fly fart.

Yeah, that fart would be preferrable to hearing myself referred to as a slut in the office.

I have a three mottos in life:

– “Life life full out and regret only the paths not taken.”

– “Leave no evidence.”

– “Don’t piss in your own pond.”

Now, the last two are especially appropriate to my sex life.  I don’t want to leave any evidence and I don’t piss in my own pond. Meaning, I don’t screw people in my circle of friends or from my job.

Yes, I have sex.  Yes, I have it with different people.  No, I don’t screw anyone that is married.  Period.  Which means that I’m not having sex with anyone at work.  Which means that I’m  not fraternizing.

So, kiss the hell off.

I have to have a meeting with my supervisor’s supervisor so that they can “double tap” the fact that I shouldn’t be screwing anyone at work.

I will be demanding proof and names.  I want to know who I was accused of screwing. 

That way I can figure out if I enjoyed this imaginary sex or not.

Cause this is bullshit.  If you don’t have enough of a life that you have to invade mine, then I’m going to at least have the satisfaction of knowing who my accuser is and who I, supposedly, had sex with.

I mean, if I had sex with someone, I hope they at least picked someone that was halfway decent looking.  It would be even worse if they accused me of having sex with one of the “handsomely challenged” folks I work with.

And if they want to manufacture stories, I’ll point them to WordPress where their fiction may be welcome.

Cause their fiction isn’t welcome in my life or my job.

UPDATEYou can find out about the aftermath of the afternoon meeting here ~

Do a great job and get fired. Huh?

I am an advocate of public schooling.  I don’t believe in home schooling as I don’t believe that it is regulated enough. I speak from experience.  I knew some folks who “home schooled” their children but the dad could only count to 21 with both shoes off and his pants down.  His wife could manage 22, but she had to be shirtless.

You guffaw, but I’m not kidding.

I have also known parents that are amazing home schoolers and they do a terrific job with their kids.  But it’s seriously hit or miss.  And here, in New Jersey, there is almost NO regulation on who teaches their children. 

I have serious issues with that.

However, this post isn’t about that.  It’s about the public school system that is in serious need of an overhaul.  I’m not stating that I think that the public school system in this country (and especially in some states) isn’t in dire trouble. 

I know it is.

In fact, this story out of California illustrates this very fact.

*Before we start with the bashing of California, I wish to tell you all that I graduated High School out there and that my senior English teacher, Mrs. Baker, was responsible for my being able to write pretty well.  I’ve honed that talent since then, but she was my basis.  So, no bashing my public school education, K? (A little shout out to all my Wheatland High peeps~*muah*)

Everyone is broke these days, and I understand fully that budget cuts mean that jobs have to be cut.  I don’t agree with it and in a perfect world our schools would be a number one priority for everyone.  But this is just the reality of our country right now.

So, last hired, first fired, right?

Why?

This woman, Michelle Apperson,  was named Sacramento’s Teacher of the Year and she got FIRED.

Ready for why our schools are failing?  I’ll give it to you in a direct quote from the school district spokesperson:

School spokesperson Gabe Ross told News 10 that who gets laid off is mandated by state law and is based on seniority, not performance.   *underlining mine*

What the hell kind of thing is this?  Why is the person that performs the best laid off?  I understand it, but it logically doesn’t make any sense. 

Now, don’t start screaming about unions and stuff.  I don’t want this to devolve into a political discussion.

I just wanted to point out the absolute, utter lack of logic applied to this situation.

And there are laws to make this happen.

Wow.

The injustice of this, to the teacher and to the children that she could have been shaping, is palpable. 

I seriously have a bad taste in my mouth.

The fact is, the education system needs an overhaul.  And that won’t happen until the politicians in every single state house and in Congress understand, fully, that public school is where 90% of their country is being educated and assign it the importance that they seem to assign to my uterus or my BMI.

We need to make them hear what we are saying.  They need to understand that not all of us can afford to send our kids to the schools that they are sending their children on my dime.

I want my dime to go to MY children and to MY community for their education and their future.

I want teachers like Ms. Apperton to keep her job and influence so many little, maleable minds.

This is a disgusting shame.  Truly.

 

 

I am

I am bipolar.  It does not define me, but I do not ignore it.

I am adopted.  The greatest gift my biological mother gave me was to give me to two of the most wonderful parents a girl could ever ask for.

I am the oldest.  I have two younger brothers….one adopted and one that wasn’t.  Guess which one everyone assumed was adopted… LOL

I am a college graduate.  I majored in history and minored in English and graduated last August.

I am a mother.  I have two beautiful children, boys.  Even when they’re being bad, they’re great….well, maybe not in that instant.

I am the proud mother of a special needs child.

I am a working woman.  I have a 9-5 job doing working for people that deserve my undying gratitude.

I am an avid reader.  I love to read and one of my fave books is “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

I am a gatherer of useless trivia.  For example, “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” was originally composed for the glass armonica.

I am an avid movie watcher.  One of my favorites is “Citizen Kane,” and I cannot wait to see “Ted,” by Seth McFarland.

I am 5’7″.

I am a horrible cook, but a pretty good baker.

I am a lover of Tex-Mex food.

I am a horrible housekeeper, cause I hate housework.

I am the woman that loves to work on cars.

I am a smoker, but hope to put “ex-smoker” here soon.

I am a lover of wine, but only in moderation.

I am the person you send your plants to if you want them to die.

I am a lover of animals.  All animals, even scaly ones.  However, this love does not include any kind of arachnid or roach.

I am a military brat.  I have lived in 8 states and 2 countries.

I am well travelled.  Thank you, Dad, for taking us on driving trips every summer.

I am generous, most of the time.  Or, I try to be.

I am a talker.  I’m working on my listening skills.

I am a toucher.  When we talk, I’ll touch you on your arm or hand numerous times.

I am polite.  Everyone I meet is “sir” or “ma’am.”  These will never steer you wrong.

I am a disciplinarian of my children, and yours if you refuse to do so.

I am the person that knows that family is not defined by blood and I have many family members around the world.

I am someone that loves thunderstorms.  Nature’s fury makes me smile.

I am a lover of fighter jets.

I am very empathetic to almost anyone’s situation….as long as it’s not caused by their own stupidity.

I am a romantic at heart.

I am a person that gives her heart fully when she decides to give it.

I am a football fan and can’t wait for the football season to start!

I am more comfortable hanging out with guys than girls.

I am a master at putting my foot in my mouth.  What can I say?  I like the taste!

I am an aggressive driver and scare men when they ride with me.

I am the person you see singing and dancing in the driver’s seat of her car.

I am someone who has finally come to love sex and be comfortable with that.

I am someone who talks to herself.

I am a military veteran.

I am a proud person who understands the value of humility.

I am the person that says “yes” when you ask for help, even when she should say “no.”

I am fascinated by organized religion, but don’t claim any affiliation with one.

I am an absolutely, positively lapsed Catholic.

I am a two-time divorcee.

I am the bearer of scars from past relationships, but still give love freely.

I am the person that will find a silver lining in any situation, no matter how thin that lining is.

I am a night owl.

I am someone who has looked hard at herself and learned some hard truths about who she is.

I am the person that has learned from past mistakes.

I am stronger than I thought I ever could be.

I am single and loving it!

I am almost 40, a number that seemed so old to me just a few years ago.

I am a child at heart.

I am all of these things and more.

I am who I am and I’m alright with that.

 

 

This is pretty awesome….my first award!

I am so excited to have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award!  I am even more excited to have been nominated for this award by the amazing OnLineDatingJournal.  I just discovered her (and vice versa) and her blogs are amazingly written and I love her no-holds-barred truth telling!  You so have to go read her.  You’ll love her!  Her blog is definitely for mature readers, but if you’re mature enough to handle her truth, you’ll love it!

I had no idea what the award was, so I went searching for information.  There is actually a blog called, wait for it, The Versatile Blogger Award Blog! 🙂  You can find many wonderful blogs here, all nominated by their peers in the blogosphere.  I highly suggest heading over there and seeing some amazing blogs.

There are 5 rules to this award, and I’m going to follow them cause, well, it’s their award! 🙂

  • Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
  •  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

Well, a huge THANK YOU to OnLineDatingJournal!  Again, go check her out…you won’t be sorry.  Unless you’re easily offended.  Then you should probably not be reading my blog or hers! 🙂

Now, I have to chose 15 bloggers to nominate for this award.  That’s so hard for me, cause I seriously enjoy everyone that I read.  Well, kinda hard.  The first two are super easy:

Transparent With Myself was the very first blog I followed here at WP.  PDX Running Chick (while being nuts enough to run numerous marathons this year) amazes me, constantly, at her drive and her love of life.  She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I love reading her posts!  Thank you, so much, hun, for supporting me for these past few months.  Wouldn’t have made it without you!

Making the Girl was the second blog I followed here.  I panicked this morning cause she changed her URL – so glad I found her again!  This woman is nothing short of inspirational, as well.  She has made so many changes, made so many decisions, stood up and declared herself to the world – her strength has me in awe!  I love her posts, their rawness, sometimes their funniness, but, always, their truthfulness.  Read and grow with her.  Absolutely amazing person!

Now, I could write a synopsis on every one of the rest of the folks that I nominate, but I’m actually doing this at work (shhhh….don’t tell anyone!) and I want to get this post up.  Suffice it to say, each one of these writers is amazing.  I love reading them!  Some are ones that I have picked up recently, others are ones that I have been following for a bit.  Some are friends outside of WordPress, some are folks that I’ll never meet (more’s the pity) because of distance or our lives not allowing us time.  Believe me when I say that each one of these writers will bring something amazing to your life.  Hugs to all of you for entertaining me, educating me and inspiring me!  I can’t wait to read more of your posts!!!

*A warning – some of these blogs are for mature audiences only.  They will make you laugh hysterically and, if drinking while reading, neither I, nor the authors, take any responsibility for shorted out keyboards, phones, monitors, damaged clothing, etc. 🙂

So, the rest of the nominees are:

choosingmyownwellbeing

koolaidlover

The (Not Always) Happy Homemaker

HelloMySinIs

AmeliasHopeBlog

LifeintheDashLane

thebitchytruth

The Narcissist’s Blog

Vicki  – The Northern Chicky

In my opinion…..

threemonthstoforty

SeaChangeForMe

mysoCalledDutchlife

All of these blogs are amazing.  Some I stumbled upon recently, others I’ve been following for a bit.  I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do.

Now, the part you’ve all been waiting for:  7 things about me…

1.  I come from a military family – my grandfather, father, myself, my two brothers – all served.  My grandfather in the Army Air Corps and the rest of us in the Air Force.  I love the military and highly suggest it for everyone!

2.  I am adopted.  I have met my birth family and have no desire to have any more contact with them.  My family is more than enough for me!

3.  I was given my first name twice – first by my birth mother and then by my mom.  Guess I was destined to have this name! 

4.  I am a font of useless trivia – especially pop culture and music.

5.  I wanted to be an astronaut.  Then I realized how much science and math would be involved.  I turned my sights to history instead! 🙂

6.  I love to read.  My two favorite authors are Laurell K. Hamilton and J.D. Robb (yes, I know this is Nora Roberts, but I don’t read her Nora Roberts novels).

7.  I am truthful to a fault, but I try to temper it with tact.

Thank you again, OnLineDatingJournal for the nom and thank you to everyone that reads.  I really appreciate it! Enjoy the blogs I posted here….they are amazing!

Feels Good

So, I saw my lawyer today.  He approved me sharing my big news:

I GOT A JOB!

I’m so excited about the fact that I’m employed full time.  It’s not a horribly stimulating job.  It is customer driven, so if we don’t have any customers we don’t have any work.

So, because I don’t have a lot of work to do right now, I decided to update the continuity books.  Mostly cause I hate to sit around being bored all day.  However, because I asked if I could do this, my boss is under the impression that I’m a self starter.

Good impression! LOL

I’ll keep you posted on how the job is going.  It’s hard to get back into the swing of being employed, having been a full time student and stay-at-home mom for the last 6 years.

But it’s nice to feel like I’m contributing to my household expenses and that I’ll be able to support us in a pretty good lifestyle for awhile.

It just feels good to feel like I’m worth something again.

It feels real good.

It’s been awhile….time to play catch up

I remember why I wasn’t posting here as often.  By the time the kiddos get to sleep, my eyes are burning from tiredness.  But, I’m here and I’m gonna spill all.

Like I would give you any less than my best! 🙂

Today is Leap Year and a Hump Day.  Totally awesome!  It’s also my father’s 19th birthday, so I have to give him some love.  (Cause he is the bestest ever!)

I point this out because I’m not sure how I’m gonna top the beginning of this week and I still have two days to go!

Last week the kiddos were sick all week.  The youngest was home from school for three days and the oldest for two.  They’re better now (although the youngest has a lingering cough) and I’m hoping that they stay that way for awhile…..and that I don’t get what they had.

So, onto this week.  So much happened!

Monday I looked to start out badly.  I had stayed up late watching the Oscars the night before (cause Billy Crystal rocks as host) and then got caught up reading “The Hunger Games.”  This is the most awesome book and I highly suggest reading it.  Both of these things led me to not getting to bed until almost 3 am Monday morning.

Of course, Monday morning at 6 am, I got a call to sub.  I had my choice of two schools.  I had subbed twice at the one school and decided to head over to the other school, which I had never subbed at.

I was standing in for a basic skills teacher.  This teacher’s job is to go into the classroom and help children that have been identified, either through testing or teacher intervention, as needing some one-on-one help with reading, writing or math skills.

I was excited about the job because it would be a challenge to me to help these children.  It would give me a chance to work with smaller groups (3-4 kids per class) and give them some intense one-on-one attention.

Unfortunately, it was the start of Read Across America Week.  This meant that the schedule for the day was totally screwy.  In one classroom I sat and listened to the teacher give her class the life story of Dr. Seuss.  In another, I graded papers.  I was actually told to leave one classroom because the teacher had no use for me.  Because of a schedule change, I had 2.5 hours where I had nothing scheduled (lunch and prep).

Here I am exhausted with nothing to do.  I’m sitting at this lady’s desk trying hard not to fall asleep.  I go to the office to ask them where they would like me to go for the rest of the day.  They say, “Go to the library.  Maybe she’ll have something for you to do.”  Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.  At 2, I went back to the office and begged for work.  The principal was in the office and she told me to go home.

What a waste of a day.  I feel like I totally stole from the school district.  I’ll get paid for a full day, but I did nothing.

However, on the upside, I got an email from the company that I had interviewed with last August.  They had a final date for the woman whose job they had offered me and they wanted me to send in some information and wanted to see when I was available to meet with them again.  A few emails went back and forth and we set a time for Tuesday morning at 0900 to meet.

Tuesday morning at 1000, I was done filling out the paperwork for my new job!

I’m so excited to be working for these folks.  I’ll be working with soldiers coming home from theater and getting them back to their home bases.  Technically, I’ll be a Demobilization Assistant.  It’s a lot of paperwork and administrative stuff, but I’ll be interacting with people and I know that what I’ll be doing will be for the soldiers.

I can’t wait to start.

Oh, and I got an email from my lawyer.  Now, y’all may remember that my first support check I picked up from my asshole’s lawyer.  I went into the office to pick up the check and when I saw the amount (much less than I had been expecting), I turned to his lawyer and said, “Seriously?  This is it?”

I’ll admit, the way I said it was snarky.  I’ll admit that there was much scorn and disdain in my voice when I asked these questions.  I will admit that I did leave his office, go out to the parking lot and call my father in a panic because I didn’t have enough to cover the rent with this check.  I spoke to my father for 10 minutes in the parking lot and then left.

Tuesday, three weeks after this little encounter at the weasel lawyer’s office, I get an email from my lawyer.  It states:

“Sorry about the news in this email, but as your attorney I must advise you that Mr. S_____ has requested that you do not appear at his office again.  He seems to be of the impression that you caused some sort of commotion last time you were there.  He has advised that he will consider your appearance there in the future as a act of trespassing, at which time he may seek police intervention.”

My reply?

“Wow.  Seriously?  And it took him this long to make this statement?  Obviously my behavior did not make much of an impression.  Whatever.  Didn’t want to go back to his office anyway.  Thanks for the warning about Mr. S____.  It considerably brightened my day!”

You know, I gotta say, for a weasel lawyer, Mr. S much have admirably behaved clients for him to call what I did a “commotion.”  Y’all that know me know I’m capable of a full on ruckus, even worse than a commotion.  🙂  Mr.  S is a jerk and weasel and this email proves it.

ADDENDUM:  After I got done giggling about this email that the weasel lawyer sent, I wondered if it had something to do with the $3000 that the asshole owes me and that he stated he had sent to his lawyer 3 weeks ago.  Sure enough, I got an email today from my lawyer stating that he had heard from the weasel and that the asshole was sending the weasel a check for $2500 and that I would get it soon.  Hmmmmm, me smells a rat.  I told my lawyer that if we did not have a $3000 check in hand by this Friday, 2 March, that my lawyer was to file paperwork first thing Monday morning asking for all move in expenses (I was waiving $130 for the UHaul) and legal fees.  And, that without check in hand, I would be contacting the asshole’s command to let them know that he is not “meeting his financial responsibilities” as ordered by the Court.  I’ll have to see what happens with that.

To cap off my Tuesday, my landlord finally put in the venting system for my dryer.  I washed my sheets and slept on soft, clean sheets Tuesday night.

Man, the only thing better than that is an orgasm.  No joke.

Which brings me to Wednesday.

I spent the early morning today getting fingerprinted and learning more about the job I will be taking.  The more I hear about it, the more excited I am about getting in there and getting my feet wet.  I have to memorize the Army enlisted insignia and rank designations.  I am not familiar with them and some NCO’s get very upset when you call them “sir.”  Better to not upset the soldiers. 🙂

I got home around 11 and my FWB came by and we had a little fun.  I’m actually loving this arrangement.  He doesn’t want any kind of commitment and neither do I, but we enjoy having fun together.  There’s no a lot of conversation, which is fine.  I would never go out to dinner with him or have a “date” with him.  We don’t have that much in common.  Unless we talk sports.  Which I can hold my own in, but I the world is bigger than a football field/basketball court/baseball diamond, you know?  So, we have our fun and we’re both happy.

Life is moving along here in our happy little house.  I’ve never been happier than I am right now.  Sometimes it’s rough, like when the kids don’t listen or the money is an issue, but more often than not life is pretty smooth.

I can honestly say that I haven’t been this happy in more than 16 years.

Makes me wonder why I put up with his sorry ass for so long.