It is 2 am and I can’t sleep. I hate when this happens, as it inevitably does, ever so often. My eyes want to close, feel tired and gritty, but then I lay there for hours, just thinking.

I think about things I want to do, things I should have done. Mistakes I made and directions I want to go. On the worst nights, I play “what if,” which is so destructive.

So, I sit here in my bed, watching movies on Netflix to keep my errant mind from wandering too far afield.insomnia

I find myself wondering what you’re dreaming about. If it’s sexy or sweet. If I’m there in your dreams. I know I shouldn’t wonder. I know it’s probably a little creepy that I admit it. But I do wonder.

My dog is under the bed, snoring. Ever so often she dreams and yips in her sleep. I wonder if she’s dreaming of a field full of bacon, all there for her enjoyment. All three cats are fast asleep as well, dreaming of world domination, no doubt. The kids are passed out. I can hear my oldest sometimes talking in his sleep. It’s sweet.

couple sleepingAnd here I sit. Wishing I could sleep like everyone else in the house. Wishing I could sleep in your arms, honestly. Wondering what it would feel like to have you warm at my back, your breath feathering the hair on the nape of my neck. Your arm thrown across my ribs and cradled against my chest, your knees tucked behind mine. Our feet touching, gently.

If I could sleep, I know I would dream of you.

If I could sleep.


What is it with guys?

So, if there are any guys that are following or reading or whatnot, your input would be appreciated on this.  Cause I’m confused.

How is it that by wearing a pencil skirt that falls to my knees and a sweater set (that shows no skin whatsoever) and 3 inch heels gets more compliments than I can shake a stick at?

Is it the librarian thing?  Do I remind guys of their kindergarten teacher that they had a crush on?

I’m stupefied by this.  I get way more compliments wearing this outfit than I do when I wear a summery skirt and cute top.

Why is that?

What is it that turns guys on?  Or are they so easy that just by breathing we women turn them on?

Dress in a way that I wouldn’t call sexy and I can feel their eyes boring into my ass when I walk by.  Dress in a way that I think is very girly and they couldn’t care less.

What is up with that?

I am very careful at work not to show too much cleavage or wear a super short skirt.  Couple of reasons for this:

a) it’s not professional.  I work in an office and I hold to the standard that I should look professional while doing my job.

b) my “clients” are mostly male soldiers that haven’t seen a woman in anything other than a military uniform for the 400 days or so.  Don’t want to overwhelm the poor guys.

Hence the knee skimming skirt and the sweater set that doesn’t show off anything.

But, it seems to be backfiring on me today.

Any ideas?