Nope, not really smiling today

Man, I’ve been depressing to be around lately.  I can feel it coming – the dreaded depressive episode.

Being bipolar totally sucks.

I apologize for not being my cheery self lately, but so many things are going on and the weather surely isn’t cooperating.

Rain does not a happy me make.

Yes, I am bipolar.  No, I am not medicated.  I tried medication about 6 years ago and it was horrible.  Horrible.

How to describe it?  Hmmmm…..

Imagine being blind and then being shown a rainbow.  Or being deaf and then taken to a Pearl Jam concert.

Yeah, that’s how the meds made me feel.

Oh, and they made my hair fall out.

Always a bonus, right?  Don’t feel happy?  Great!  We’ll give you these medications that totally overwhelm you and then, as an added bonus, your hair will fall out in huge, fat hunks like a chemo patient.

No, I’m not medicated.  Thank you, very much.

I actually don’t have the depressive episodes very often.  An hour in the sun or doing some kind of exercise helps to stave them off.  Watching my darling animals play together, or sleep….


Spending time with my kids….

These things help me snap out of a funk.

I mean, who could look at any of those faces and not smile?

See, it’s working already.

There are things that I have learned NOT to do when I feel a funk coming on:

– Don’t listen to Barry Manilow.  Now, I love me some Manilow (I can sing along with him), but most of his songs are tear jerkers (“Mandy” anyone?).  Unless it’s “Copacabana” or “Band Stand Boogie.”  Those are the only two exceptions.

– Don’t watch any of the following movies:  “Terms of Endearment,” “Steel Magnolias,” “Old Yeller,” or “marley & me.”   The only exception:  You can watch “marley & me” but you have to turn it off before they move into the country.

– Don’t “sad dial.”  This is worse than drunk dialing cause you’re not under the influence of any kind of illegal chemical.  This would also cover “sad letter writing,” and/or “sad blogging.”  These are no-gos.

– Don’t ask yourself any “what if” questions.  Examples of these would be, “What if I said (whatever) to (whomever)….would my life have been different?” Or, “What if I had actually (done this) at (this time)….would I be here?”  These are useless, pointless questions and will not change your situation at all.

What you can do:

– Listen to upbeat music. I highly suggest upbeat, meaningless music with a driving beat and something you can at least lip-synch to.  For example, Victoria Justice “Freak the freak out.”  Good one to dance to.  Stay away from Adele – all of 21 is a break up album.  Not a good choice.

– Do watch a kick-ass/funny/horror movie that will take you out of your current situation.  I would highly suggest a mindless summer blockbuster of years past like “Men in Black,” “Independence Day,” and/or “Battlefield L.A.”  These movies are so far outside the realm of possibility (right now) that you can’t help but enjoy yourself.  Caveat – You MAY NOT, at any time, watch “E.T.”  That is another one of those that falls in the list above.

– Do call someone that loves you unconditionally who will know how to cheer you up without too many questions asked.  Maybe they’ll offer a shoulder for you to cry on for the moment, maybe they’ll offer a hug, maybe they’ll offer a bottle of Jack Daniels.  Whatever they offer, they offer it unconditionally and will help you out of your funk.

– Do ask yourself, “What do I want/need.”  Then set about getting them.  If you’re focused on something bigger than yourself, a dream or some such, then that will help.

See, y’all have helped and you didn’t have to do anything but read my ramblings.  I’m sitting here smiling again.

Thank you for hanging out and listening to me go on….

Oh, and I’m sure Aerosmith “Walk(ing) This Way” helped, too!!! 🙂


Oh, yeah, it’s Monday

You know, sometimes I forget what day of the week it is.  We all do it, from time to time.

But, today, there was no mistaking that it was Monday.

It all started last week when I took my oldest to the doctor for a meds check on Wednesday.  Now, normally, I wouldn’t have had to do this to get him a refill on his ADHD medications (he’s autistic with ADHD tendencies).  We just had a meds check 3 months ago and normally it’s only twice a year. But the clinic, yet again, changed their policies and I was expected to jump to it.  And, of course, I did.  What choice did I have?  My son needs the medication in order to focus in class and I needed to do whatever it took to get them for him.

So, last Wednesday I left work and picked up my son and took him to the doctor.  Now, the medication that he is on is not carried routinely in the pharmacy here (cause they suck!) and the doctor has to put in a non-formulary request.  This request has to be approved by the signature authority at the pharmacy.

How many folks have this signature authority, you might ask.


Yup, you read that right.

One person has the power to say whether my son gets his meds or not.  And he’s never in to give approval.

So, the doc files the non-formulary request, it goes to the pharmacy and gets approved and then the prescription is filled.  When I left the doctor’s office on Wednesday, I stopped by the pharmacy to see if they had the medication in stock.  They did and assured me that the script would be filled by Thursday afternoon. 

I wasn’t able to make it back over there on Thursday and they were closed on Friday.  Now, he had three pills left. I was going to have him skip the one on Sunday and take it Monday morning and then swing by and pick up his pills at lunch on Monday. 

The one time I don’t want him to be a self-starter…..

My oldest decided to take some responsibility and take his last pill on Sunday morning before speaking to me.  Well, that makes me SOL on Monday morning.

But, no problem, right?  They said it would be filled on Thursday.  So, I’ll just bop on over to the clinic at 0730, when they open, pick up the meds and head out.  Sure, the kids will be a little late to school and I’ll be 10 minutes late to work, but that’s alright.  It’s a one time deal.  I’m sure it’ll be fine.

I get there and the pharmacy has no signature on the request.  They can’t give me his meds.  Cause the signature authority (remember? one guy!) was out on Wednesday and Thursday and they were closed on Friday and he won’t be in today.


So, over to Pediatrics I go to see if I can figure this out.  The Captain who works for my Doc was very helpful and was able to get me my prescription

One hour after I walked through the door, having to talk to the Captain and Patient Advocate, I finally got my son’s meds.  The kids were late for school and I was an hour late for work.

All because they have only one signature authority for non-formulary requests.


Yup, it’s Monday.

Or the clinic pharmacy is staffed by idiots.

I’m hedging my bets and saying it’s both.

Happy Monday, y’all!