Ok, lady, I love you. Bye bye.

About a week ago, I decided it was time to do a Facebook cleanse.

Don't squeeze the Charmin!

Don’t squeeze the Charmin!


This is much like a juice cleanse, but without the need for all of the toilet paper.

Seriously, though, I had over 350 people on my Facebook page. Who needs that many people all up in their life? I decided it was time to remove some people and to slim down my Facebook interactions.

I took a close look at who I had on there. Some were holdovers from when I was actively gaming on

Does anyone Farmville anymore?

Does anyone Farmville anymore?

Facebook. They were the first to go. I mean, I truly lost my taste for Farmville a couple of years ago.

The next ones to go were those adult friends that I had just outgrown or didn’t really care about anymore. You know the ones. The people that you meet and feel an immediate connection with and you just HAVE to be Facebook friends so that you can talk to each other whenever you want! And I don’t want to miss a single picture that you post! And you’re so witty, I love reading your status updates!!

You know who I mean.

You know who I mean.

Then they move away, or your kids don’t play sports together anymore, or you’ve decided not to do the PTA this year and you drift apart. And suddenly their pictures aren’t so mesmerizing and their posts are not that witty.

Yup, it was time for some of them to go, too.

Then come the high school friends that you have wondered about all these years since graduation. Whathigh school graduation are they doing? Are they married? Do they have kids? Are their kids ugly? (Oh, come on! You know you’ve wondered!!) It was especially meaningful for me, as I joined FB having moved away from where I had gone to high school and hadn’t really had a chance to connect with anyone from high school since graduation. So, when I joined FB, I went on a friending spree looking for everyone I could find that I went to high school with.

But something happened in the last few years. There were a lot of folks from high school that I had absolutely zero in common with. Except that we graduated from the same little high school. Our likes, politics, religion, humor – none of it meshed. But I hung onto them because they were from my past.

Well, it was time for them to go back there.

By the time I was done, I had purged over 150 people from my page. Each and every person on my page, with the exception of less than 10, I have met in person. I have spent time with them. Some of them are from high school, yes. But these are people that I reconnected with and have enjoyed having in my life. Many of them had words of encouragement for me when I was going through my divorce. All of them have are beautiful people, inside and out. These are all people that I wanted to keep in my life, even if only on Facebook.

I took the time to clean out my Facebook page because it, like clutter in your house, can weigh you down. You can be putting information out there that you maybe don’t want everyone to see. Maybe you are getting bombarded with some political stuff that you don’t agree with that is getting you down. Maybe it’s religious. Maybe you are just sick of seeing them post all the fabulous meals that they have or the sick new swag that they bring home constantly and just have to post on FB. Or maybe their humble brags get you down.

Why did I actually initiate the purge? For the simple reason that Facebook was depressing the hell out of me. I would look at the pictures of these people and realize that I had none of that in my life. I had no one that I could call my own, I had no money to buy any swag, and what the hell was I going to humble brag about?

Bottom line: I was jealous.

I was jealous of their lives, jealous of the things that they had. Just plain jealous. No, it’s not a pretty emotion, but it’s real, (to be fair to myself, it had been a pretty crappy couple of weeks for me, which made it a lot harder to look at those folks and not feel jealous).

But then I realized something more. They were not a whole lot more than fluff, the ones that had inspired my jealousy. Not all, to be fair. But a lot of them. It was always about their new things or the new places they were going. There was no substance. No true value. Not to me, anyway.

So I purged them. I cleaned up my news feed and, in doing so, also swept some less than desirable things from my soul, as well. I took control of my happiness and didn’t wait for anyone to do it for me. I spent so much of my adult life tying my happiness to someone else’s happiness that I forget that I can just make me happy now. It’s another step, a small one true, towards making sure that I never go back to that place I was with the ex again.

Without remorse or regret I was able to pull the trigger and say:

Spring Break is over

This was the first time that my children have been away from me for a week.  Not the first time I’ve been away from them, but the first time that they have been away from me.  It was very weird to realize that they were going to be doing things that I wouldn’t intimately know about, that I wouldn’t be intimately involved in, that I wouldn’t have any say in.  Each time when I was away from them, they stayed home and I knew they were going to school and doing the things that they did at home.  I was the one always going away and having the adventure.

They had an adventure this week.  Without me.

Just weird.

I’m glad that they had an adventure without me.  It’s good for me to loosen the apron strings and to let them do things, even if it is just with the asshole.  I just wish it was with someone more worthwhile than the asshole.

Yes, he’s their father.  Yes, they need to spend time with him.It’s not long until

But they get to spend so little time and I don’t want them to have to share it with anyone else, especially not on a week break.

Yet, that’s exactly what they did.  They had to share the time with the bitch and her spawn.

Just doesn’t seem fair for them.

Regardless, I enjoyed the break.  I had a great time doing adult things and havin adult time and taking care of me for a week.

I’m recharged and ready for them to come home.  Maybe.  Yeah, I am.

Spring Break is over.

It’s not long until Summer Break.  I know that in a couple of weeks I’ll be counting down those days! 🙂

But, for now, I go back to being just Mom.

One of the most rewarding jobs in the world.

Even when it doesn’t feel like that!

Happy, sore, tired….all par for the course after a day in NYC

I love NYC.  I fell in love with it the first time I went there with my friend Serenity Knits (you can find her blog in my blog roll).  She used to live there and while we were on the train from our “lovely” homes in NJ she said, “There’s only one rule in NYC.  Don’t talk to anyone.”

I know those of you that know me laughed at that rule! 🙂

I asked her if we could go to FAO Schwartz.  She readily agreed and we headed there.  Unfortunately, they lost the building that “BIG” was filmed in and they have a new one, just across the street, but it has none of the charm that the old building does.  So, I walked out disappointed and Serenity told me that she needed to go into the Apple Store that was right out front.  I told her I would wait for her upstairs, cause I wanted to have a smoke.  She says, “Alright.  Remember, don’t talk to anyone.”  I agree and off she goes.

I’m standing outside of an Apple Store in NYC for the first time, people watching, looking at the amazing architecture and just enjoying myself.  A man walks up in a securiy uniform and says, in a distinctly Russian accent, “Can I bum a smoke?”  “Sure,” I say, “How long have you been in New York?” I ask as I hand him a cigarette.  We strike up a conversation and I’m enjoying myself when this beautiful woman walks up and says, “Can I bum a light?”  I hand her my lighter, discover she’s from London and we all three stand there chatting while I wait for my friend.

To me, this was the consumate New York City experience.  Talking to two people from another country in the middle of the most American of cities.  NYC is truly the melting pot that historians talk about, and here I was living it!  I was hard put not to grin like an idiot!

My friend comes out of the Apple Store and, after spotting her, I tell my new acquaintances that I have to go.  It was nice to meet them, thanks for being so friendly and have a great day!  Serenity comes over and gathers me and as we walk off she scolds me: “What was the one rule I told you about?  I can’t believe you were talking to people!”

I smile just remembering it and I miss my friend….she moved to Florida 😦  But she loves it there and I get to see her ever so often…

Yesterday, I went to NYC with my oldest and best friend.  D and I have known each other since we were 6.  6 years old – I always say that the only people that have known me longer are my family!  We lucked out and her husband got stationed here in October.  So, after years of being thousands of miles away from each other, we now live less than an hour from each other.  When we were getting off the first subway train of the day, I asked her if she ever imagined when we were  that we would be riding a subway together in  NYC, she said, “No.”  Neither did I at that age.  It was amazing to be with her in NYC and we had a great day!

The first thing we did after disembarking at Penn Station was go to the Empire State Building.  For me, this is always the start of a trip to NYC.  I don’t always go up and, in fact, have only been up once.  But I love the lobby. It’s so beautiful!

I talked her into talking a walking tour with me of historical places in NYC.  I have this great book titled “Inside the Apple: A Streetwise History of New York City,” by Michelle and James Nevius.  In the back of the book are 14 or so walking tours of the city.  The one I chose took us to Chinatown and Five Points.  We saw where the Collection Pond had been, Foley Square, Five Points intersection, Columbus Park (and how it came into being).  We read about Charles Dickens’s visi to Five Points, the creation of the Church of the Transfiguration, saw the first tenement, and stood on the Bloody Angle in Chinatown.  We didn’t finish the whole tour, but that’s alright.  You don’t have to do the whole thing to enjoy the sights and sounds of NYC.

While we were finding our way (cause I’m a notoriously bad navigator and the maps in the book weren’t very detailed), we found ourselves at the Brooklyn Bridge.  I had sailed under the bridge, but I’d never been on it and it’s such a historical landmark.  So, I talked her into walking up to the first support of the bridge.  It’s beautiful and a marvel of engineering for it’s time.  I loved it!

 I won’t bore you with all the historical details, but it was a great walk for me.  The view of the skyline of NYC from the bridge was terrific, especially seeing the new Freedom Tower from Ground Zero going up.  I loved seeing the city from the middle of the water and to see where the bedrock is that allowed the huge skyscrapers to be built to the left and how the ground wouldn’t support the skyscrapers to the right (no bedrock).  I loved this walk and I hope to someday walk the whole thing.  Maybe this summer! 🙂

From here we walked to Chinatown and Little Italy.  We toured through Chinatown, which was cool.  I like San Francisco’s Chinatown better, but this was super interesting.  It was smaller than I expected, but the history is so rich there.  We went into the oldest store in Chinatown where, according to my little guidebook, there was an amazing tin ceiling. Unfortunately, the new owner PAINTED over it.  Seriously?  Too sad.

We headed over to Little Italy and we had lunch at Sal’s.  Now, one of the things that we were doing in NYC was D’s nephew’s Flat Stanley project.  We took pics of Flat Stanley on the Brooklyn Bridge, in the lobby of the ESB, and then with Sal.  We took a pic with Sal with the help of a  nice New Yorker passing by:

Flat Stanley was much bigger than I expected.  You can see he’s almost life sized (he is, if you’re a second grader).  I wanted to decapitate Flat Stanley and just take his head, but that idea was nixed.  (I also wanted to take him to a stripper and get a pose with her, but that was nixed, too.  No fun!)  The lady in the store in Little Italy said that we should take his legs and tape them to a fire hydrant in Little Italy and say that he had a “sit down” with the Mob and that it didn’t go too well for him.  I liked that idea, too, but no go.  So, we tucked Flat Stanley back in the back pack and made our way back to Foley Park.

The tulips were blooming in Foley Park:

We fully enjoyed sitting on the park benches for a bit and just enjoying the sun before we moved on to where we were going next.  Come to find out, we weren’t going too far and we caught the subway in Foley Park and headed to Grand Central Station.

Now, in all of my previous trips to NYC, I had never been to Grand Central Station.  And, actually, it’s not Grand Central STATION – it’s Grand Central TERMINAL.  The Station was torn down long ago and the terminal was built by a Vanderbilt to replace the station.

I talked D into going into the Main Concourse, where she patiently stood and listened to me read about the history of the Terminal (told you she was a great friend!).  It was built by a Vanderbilt to outdo the builder of the old Penn Station (which was torn down in the 60’s).  Gotta love when those rich guys compete with each other.  Makes for some stunning architecture.  The ceiling is painted with the constellations of the night sky:

 The constellations in the ceiling have actual lights in them that light up.  However, the constellations are backwards because the painter was using a celestial globe.  So that translated badly for him! 🙂  This isn’t the best picture, but it’s all I had the energy for!

From here, we boarded a subway to Times Square.  Now, usually, I’ll wait till night to go to Times Square, because it is just so amazing in the dark.  However, neither D nor I were willing to wait for the sun to go down before we headed to Penn to catch the train home.  So we headed over there with the idea of taking a picture of Flat Stanley in Times Square.  Little did we know we would hit the jackpot while there:

Elmo with Flat Stanley in Times Square.  I know that her nephew will get a huge kick out of that!

From there we walked to Penn Station and caught the train home.  D drove home and I went inside and washed my face, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed.  It was an exhausting day, but it was great.  I can’t wait to go back in June with my friend.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be going back sooner than that!

This was just the way to end my Spring Break.  My kids come home tomorrow.  Today is recovery day for me and I’m looking forward to not doing much.  In fact, I’m happy to sit right here in my comfy chair and do no more than stare at a wall!

And if these pictures inspire you to go to NYC someday, I’ll be glad.  It’s an amazing place that everyone should see at least once in their life!

It’s Good Friday – SUPER DUPER GOOD FRIDAY!!!

I love my children.  I want you all to understand that.  I love them more than life itself.

BUT I’M THRILLED THAT THEY ARE LEAVING FOR 10 DAYS!!!!

They leave tonight for Spring Break and I have any plans that will be so much easier to carry out without them here.  I’m going to NYC on Saturday with my best friend and then Sunday I’m hanging out with some other friends.  Monday through Friday next week it’s all fly by the seat of my pants. 

I know the week will go by too quickly, but it’s nice to know that it will go quickly in silence. 🙂

This last week was interesting. 

One of the best things about my job is getting to meet all of the amazing men and women that come through my office on their way home from a deployment.  Some of them are thrilled to be here and almost home, some are super pissed that they aren’t already done with the process and home.

Either way, they are all amazing folks.

Last week, we had a group of Military Police come in.  Now, let me just say, outside of fighter pilots, there is no one raunchier, less-PC, or funnier than military cops.

And I love ’em!

They know how to have a good time, even doing stupid paperwork, and they enjoy life to the fullest.  There were two, especially, that stick out in my mind.  A couple of Major’s that were obviously friends from way back (come to find out, they had been friends for over 20 years).  Where ever one was, the other one was right there.  They never failed to come in and joke with me and were always all smiles when they came by.  I actually ended up having dinner with these guys this week and it was a great time!

Another guy, a Sergeant, brought his girlfriend in to meet me.  She lives just down the road and I foresee us becoming friends, even after her guy goes home to Texas.  We’re scheduled to have lunch early next week, all three of us, and I look forward to that, too.

There is no shortage to the energy and friendliness that I see in this office every day and I truly enjoy the work that I have been doing and hope to do it for a long while.

Life is so good right now, I just have nothing to bitch about.  The kids’ bags are packed and in the car, even as I type this.  My best friend is coming to spend the night tonight so that we can get a jump on tomorrow.  I just found out that a very good friend of mine (I’m smiling as I write this) will be here in May and I CAN’T WAIT!!!!

Everything is coming up roses right now. 

It’s days like these that will get me through hard times that I know will come around again. 

But, right now, as I type this, there is a lightness in my heart that isn’t hard to define. 

It’s amazing how light your heart and soul can feel when you kick the 220 lb asshole out of them! LOL

Doesn’t that look like fun?  Come join me!!!  I have risen above my troubles and worries and it feels amazing!

Happy Easter, everyone!!!

 

Spring has sprung!

This is, hands down, my very favorite time of year.  No question about it.  When the sun starts to shine and the flowers start to come out, I find myself smiling all the time. I feel like those kids – I just want to jump for joy!

  I love spring.  I don’t like the holidays, not even Christmas, as much as I love spring.  I feel like I’m blooming with the flowers and the trees.  I love the birds singing and the squirrels and groundhogs all coming out to frolick in the sun.

I feel like I’m being reborn with the earth.  I rediscover the beauty that lies everywhere around me, seeing it in each flower, each blade of green grass, the scent of the wild onions that grow in my yard.

I even enjoy being at work more when the weather is beautiful!

But this year, especially, I’m loving spring.  It reminds me that, even though things don’t always look beautiful or go beautifully, things will eventually come back to a place where I can appreciate everything again.

I used to watch a television show called “Lie to Me.”  The main female character had just come out of a bad relationship and she said, and I’ll never forget this, “I finally feel like wearing colors again – reds, blues, pinks.  I’m done with the black in my life.”

Today, I sit in a beautiful dress painted in colors of blue, green, yellow and aqua.  My toenails are a beautiful opalescent pink called “Hawaiian Punch.”  I’m wearing an oversized turquoise butterfly ring on my finger.

I’m done with the black in my life.

I pulled a bunch of clothes out of my closet last night and had a grand time figuring out which shoes went with which dresses and which jewelry would go best with the outfits.  It was a blast.  And every single one of those outfits was full of color!  I’m done with the black in my life.

Spring is my upper.  Spring is my anti-depressant.  Spring is my season of rebirth.  It’s a time to fully shed everything that has brought me down in the past.  It’s a time to leave the bitterness behind and embrace, fully, all of the beautiful things that I have in my life.

There are so many.

I go to bed each night realizing how blessed I am.  I know that there are people that care about me and love me and support me. I have two beautiful children and a family that is 100% behind me.

No one else matters, yesterday or today or tomorrow. 

Spring is here.  Embrace the beauty that is inside each of us that nature puts on display for all of us to enjoy. 

Take the road less travelled.  Take the journey that you are destined to take.  And enjoy the beauty around you as you go. 

And leave all that baggage at home.  It’ll just slow you down!