It is 2 am and I can’t sleep. I hate when this happens, as it inevitably does, ever so often. My eyes want to close, feel tired and gritty, but then I lay there for hours, just thinking.

I think about things I want to do, things I should have done. Mistakes I made and directions I want to go. On the worst nights, I play “what if,” which is so destructive.

So, I sit here in my bed, watching movies on Netflix to keep my errant mind from wandering too far afield.insomnia

I find myself wondering what you’re dreaming about. If it’s sexy or sweet. If I’m there in your dreams. I know I shouldn’t wonder. I know it’s probably a little creepy that I admit it. But I do wonder.

My dog is under the bed, snoring. Ever so often she dreams and yips in her sleep. I wonder if she’s dreaming of a field full of bacon, all there for her enjoyment. All three cats are fast asleep as well, dreaming of world domination, no doubt. The kids are passed out. I can hear my oldest sometimes talking in his sleep. It’s sweet.

couple sleepingAnd here I sit. Wishing I could sleep like everyone else in the house. Wishing I could sleep in your arms, honestly. Wondering what it would feel like to have you warm at my back, your breath feathering the hair on the nape of my neck. Your arm thrown across my ribs and cradled against my chest, your knees tucked behind mine. Our feet touching, gently.

If I could sleep, I know I would dream of you.

If I could sleep.


Really? It’s just a damn game!

When I was still married, I told everyone I had three children and that I was married to one.  I do believe that this story will illustrate the reason why I would say that.

My boys keep in touch with their father through video games that they play together on the XBox 360.  They have one game in particular, Minecraft, that they play together quite often.

Don’t ask me about the game.  I don’t play video games and I don’t particularly care to learn about them or the worlds or whatnot.  I purchase the games to keep my boys happy and give them a way to keep in touch with my ex.  Other than that, I really don’t play them.

Yesterday, my youngest was playing with this father on this game while I was in the kitchen doing laundry, baking for the week and watching football.  (Yes, I do watch football.  Peyton Manning is my fave player and I root for the Broncos simply for this reason.  Also, if the Eagles fell off the face of the earth, I certainly wouldn’t shed a tear.)

Well, I was getting ready to bake when I realized that I had no eggs.  Very hard to make brownies and gingerbread cake without eggs.  So, I hop in the car and run to the store for some eggs.  On the way there, I get a phone call from the ex.  The conversation went something like this:

Him: “Are you at home?”

Me: “No, I’m running to the store for eggs.”

Him: “When you get home, could you please tell your son to stop being an asshole?  He keeps on hitting me and everyone else in the game and he won’t listen to me.”

I actually laughed out loud at this.  Seriously.  Like totally chuckled.  Then I said:

“It’s a game.  What in the world are you so wound up about.  It’s a damn game. You’re 41.  Get over it.”

Him:  “Well, he isn’t being nice.”  (Yes, his voice had taken on a whiny tone)

Me:  “I’ll tell him when I get home.”

I get home and find out that they are no longer playing together.  According to my son, my ex had taken his girlfriend’s daughter’s part over his son’s.  I then got another phone call from the ex:

Him: “Will you take away his XBox, please?”

Me: “Why?”

Him: “Because I told him if he wasn’t nice, I’d take away his XBox and then he asked me how I would do that because I lived in Virginia.  Then he UNFRIENDED ME in the game!”

Me: “Um….(I’m trying very hard not to bust out laughing here cause he sounds like he’s tattling), I’ll talk to him about being disrespectful to you.”

I then hung up.  I didn’t take away the XBox but I did tell him that he couldn’t be disrespectful to his father.  And then I told him that he had better friend his father back on Tuesday, otherwise this next weekend (when he has the kids) is gonna be hard on everyone.

OK, I readily admit that I’m not a gamer.  I don’t understand how anyone can get that worked up over a damn game.  I don’t understand why I am getting a call from a 41-year-old man about a game that he is playing with a 12-year-old.  I mean, if the 12-year-old is being “mean,” then don’t play with him.  These are basic lessons that we learn as children.  How in the world did he forget them this late in life?  And why in the world are you tattling to me? 

No, it’s not OK that he disrespected him.  That he got in trouble for.  But I surely didn’t take away his XBox and I’m not going to over a damn game.

Mostly because that would be more a punishment for me than for him!