Coming back to work sucks after a vacation!
Just to reinforce the fact that it is a Monday morning, I got called into my boss’s office.
Whenever I get called into the boss’s office and she asks me to take a seat and close the door, you know it’s not going to be good.
This was no exception.
Someone has been spreading rumors. Someone has been saying that I am screwing some of the soldiers I work with. Someone who doesn’t even work in the same building with me.
Not screwing one, not screwing two, but screwing “some.”
No specifics were given. No proof was offered. No names were named.
Now, I’m alright with a little gossip. I’m new, I’m an unknown, I’m single and I (in my opinion) look alright. I’m a little flirty, I’m definitely friendly and I have a way with people. Oh, and the guys talk about my tits. Yeah, that’s always a nice little piece of information to have….
But what the hell is wrong with people that they have to level an accusation like that?
There are several reasons that I have a problem with this. Let me ennumerate them for you:
1) My husband left me for an adulterous bitch. Why would I do that to anyone else? None of the soldiers I work with are single.
2) You have no proof. Unless you have pictures of the proof in my “quivering mound of love pudding,” shut the hell up!
3) Who I screw is none of your business.
4) This accusation could cost me my job.
Yes, that last one is definitely the most serious of the bunch. “Fraternization” with the soldiers could cost me my job.
Oh, and now I’m the talk of the office, and not in a good way. In fact, one of my coworkers walked in and had a little discussion with my office mate about me in hushed tones. How do I know it was about me? Well, the words, “slut,” “fucking,” and my name all were a little loud.
Plus, I have good enough hearing that, as my mother always said, I can hear a fly fart.
Yeah, that fart would be preferrable to hearing myself referred to as a slut in the office.
I have a three mottos in life:
– “Life life full out and regret only the paths not taken.”
– “Leave no evidence.”
– “Don’t piss in your own pond.”
Now, the last two are especially appropriate to my sex life. I don’t want to leave any evidence and I don’t piss in my own pond. Meaning, I don’t screw people in my circle of friends or from my job.
Yes, I have sex. Yes, I have it with different people. No, I don’t screw anyone that is married. Period. Which means that I’m not having sex with anyone at work. Which means that I’m not fraternizing.
So, kiss the hell off.
I have to have a meeting with my supervisor’s supervisor so that they can “double tap” the fact that I shouldn’t be screwing anyone at work.
I will be demanding proof and names. I want to know who I was accused of screwing.
That way I can figure out if I enjoyed this imaginary sex or not.
Cause this is bullshit. If you don’t have enough of a life that you have to invade mine, then I’m going to at least have the satisfaction of knowing who my accuser is and who I, supposedly, had sex with.
I mean, if I had sex with someone, I hope they at least picked someone that was halfway decent looking. It would be even worse if they accused me of having sex with one of the “handsomely challenged” folks I work with.
And if they want to manufacture stories, I’ll point them to WordPress where their fiction may be welcome.
Cause their fiction isn’t welcome in my life or my job.
UPDATE: You can find out about the aftermath of the afternoon meeting here ~